Ani DiFranco will kick your ass and then hug you.

So the other day I was tryin'a listen to some music like in point number one below, and had a hankering for some Ani D. I had a hard time selecting something and I decided I needed to refresh my Ani repertoire, which led to the subsequent binge on the iTunes store. I am not ashamed to buy music legally.

Not only did I have disturbing dreams about my ex last night, I also couldn't sleep until crrrrzy late, like so late that you're not sure if you should call it night or morning. Why is it that you feel awesome when you get random no-sleep but when you plan it all out and get a decent number, like 7 or 8, your day sucks and you have those huge things under each of your eyeballs?

I have a meeting with my therapist today. I love him so much. More than I've ever loved anything in my whole life, even my mother.

Also, if you are still blending your blush at an angle up to your hair line you are DOING IT WRONG. That is so 1980s. Why don't you crimp your hair while you're at it? You're supposed to be putting some rosy blush on the APPLES, not the CHEEKBONES. duh.

Who do you think you are? Do you know who you are? And if you do, can you tell me who I am? kthx.

If you bastardize a song that USED to be canonical until you came around with your pseudo-cover, get the fuck out. California Girls used to be good, but now I just think of your fucking face (yes you, Katy Perry, cuz I know you're reading this). Thanks for making me hate the Beach Boys.

Actually, I really love the Beach Boys still.

Also, Katy Perry, stop making those fucking music videos with fat people and gay dudes kissing just to clear your past record of being a fucking homophobe. By including the one token fat girl and alternative-style person of questionable gender, you DO NOT gain cred with the feminists. I can't wait til you get fat and divorced.

When did it become a big thing to talk about feminism or call yourself a feminist? How is it that you fucks can espouse feminine ideals and talk about egalitarian societies and how great they are, but then refuse to acknowledge that those things are FEMINIST?!

If you really want to do something AWESOME and FUN for New Years, buy a fucking ticket to see Girl Talk at the Rave and we'll get really drunk together and laugh a lot and stumble around and pick up girls that look like guys. You have to drive though.

If you're reading this and you're one of my exes, that means you FUCKED UP by dumping me or being an asshole cuz I am really fucking cool, and I now realize that you were probably just intimidated by my intense level of POSH and APLOMB. However, I WILL stick around a little longer to see if you change your mind.

Kid Cudi is possibly the best-looking man I've ever seen.

If you need a big sister, or a little sister, or mother, grandmother, aunt, or wife you should TOTES call/text/email me! Hearing about your problems makes mine seem less bad.

Also, don't ever say totes in real life. That is all.