Ground control

People!

You are DYING. You need to get the fuck off your computer and go outside. Go be a camp counselor in Maine. Find a beehive. Carve your initials into something. Go now: You're going to wake up one day and your life will have passed you by. DO SOMETHING!

Starting TODAY, take ANY CHANCE that comes in to your life that will allow you to do some thing or activity other than what you're doing now. New life situations will always be positive and good for your soul and more doors will open up and you'll have so many choices that you nearly puke into a mop bucket. Please note that THIS MEANS NEVER SAYING NO.

This weekend may be deemed a success mainly because by the end of it I will have had not one but TWO DIFFERENT birthday cake pieces from two entirely different birthday ritual celebrations.

Can you think of any North American holidays or celebrations that are not centered around food? Well I've thought about it a lot, and I can't. Aren't holidays and celebratory events major definers of a culture? Does that mean white (North American?) culture is food-centric and thus dependent upon food and its ritual?

I want to make an unconventional calendar that uses foods associated with holidays to demarcate the progression of time rather than days/weeks/months. It'd take some getting used to but I think the general public will catch on.

IF somehow the days just seem to slip by and before you know it it's next week and you haven't had five seconds to shave your pubes and you think it's probably okay to wear the same pants you wore yesterday because no one will really notice and you might not have any other pants to wear anyway because they're either dirty or too fucking small, then here is what you need to do: Call in sick to work in the middle of the week, or at the end of the week, and sleep in and when you wake up take a really long shower with music on and find your favorite socks/undies and just chill in the same place you always chill, maybe schedule a massage/do some online shopping, fantasize about food and vacations. You still have to do normal every day things like floss and empty the trash, but you CAN take a few mins and think about hobbies or skills you need/want to develop (martial arts, snake identification) or things you can add to your to-do list. You will feel WAY better for at least like two days after and probably more.