Fucking capitalism.

Because it wouldn't be a drunk blog without drunk.

tomorrow I have to wake up, put on the pants and the little socks and flatten my hair, and paint my face with a cacophony of noxious chemicals. then I drive in the Big Car and arrive at the Big Building where I scurry in to sit at a cube. I stare at a screen and then come home to stare at a screen some more. lather. rinse. repeat.

WTF! What the hell is this. I work enough to sustain myself to continue working the next day. what the fuck happened to my LIFE and fucking FREE TIME. oh right. my life pretty much exists so i can go to work and come home from work and go to work. this is fucking wrong and i know im lucky and other people are way worse off. but in the meantime we are all so brainwashed by tv and by the mall and by commercials that nobody knows which end is up and dont think you are exempt. seriously get ready for a big ass garage sale cuz im selling all this shit and moving to the third world. it's like 3d but dirtier and you might get kidnapped and you get to be the one white person who saves the brown women from sex work or child labor or domestic abuse.

this is what im saying. the fucking revolution is near tipping point and capitalism is pert near critical mass. come on guys! momentum! this shit is happening now and it's going to be written in the history books of our children and you can say YOU WERE THERE

i'm way too overwhelmed by environmental side effects of consumerism to even write a first sentence of an introductory paragraph about it. i cant even believe people still use plastic baggies WTF PEOPLE YOU KNOW BETTER come on.

whatever. im just gonna go throw away AN ENTIRE BOX of plastic baggies just to spite you.

honestly though its not like one dude using a plastic baggie for his fucking sandwich that he eats on his lunch break while working at the PLASTIC FACTORY makes any speck of difference. 

And please listen to kreayshawn and lil wayne, even though he is sexist as hell; you're welcome.

Views from my bedroom window

1. I was 12 years old and my room was perfectly square and my bed was perfectly aligned on the south wall so my body would be directly under the perfectly square window with the dirty screen. It was fucking hot and I needed to be as close to the fresh air as possible to temper my suffering through an infestation of lady bugs and humidity.

There was absolutely no wind the night the horse got out so I could hear the gravel in the driveway crunching under his heavy hooves. That's the sound that roused me from sleep and caused me to shoot up out of bed and run into my Mom and Dad's room to share the Important News.

He was just having some driveway weeds and grass for a midnight snack. I knew he'd bolt as soon as he saw us coming to rally him back into his pen, so the Metcalf family had to have a strategic plan of action. It felt special and secretive and cunning, sitting around the table under a dim light while we schemed about how to get the horse back in a delicate manner.

2. Three years ago my bedroom window looked out to the neighbor's brick wall just a few feet away but separated by a deep ugly trench that had fallen prey to rain storms and College Ghetto trash: a broken lawn chair, someone's sock, a soggy empty case of beer. The porch to the left must have been no bigger than about four square feet, but somehow all three neighbor boys managed to fit on it at once.

They usually went on their "porch" to smoke cigarettes and either simultaneously call home or laugh about something apparently hilarious consistently at 3:00 a.m. The smoke would waft into my room where its bony claw crept around and through my nostrils and into my lungs, poisoning me while I slept.

3. The next window overlooked a grassy courtyard bound by an uneven sidewalk and hedges too nicely pruned for the neighborhood which was comprised mainly of bro dudes. In the backyard was a hidden gem where someone spent a lot of time manicuring a tidy and lush flower garden. The grass grew long in some corners and it smelled like wet wood and dirt.

I don't really have any real memories of that window though. What I do have is a wince and a belly twinge when I think about how long I stared out that window waiting for him to innocently come home from work while I sat there with my hand on my face and pushed myself further and further into denial about what I knew was happening to me.

4. Now my bedroom window is made of new clean plastic and it has two locks on the top. I push the levers closed when I leave for the weekend and sometimes in the morning before I go to work. The neighbors tilled a strip of ground that happens to be in the direct center of my view out the window, and they took a long thin branch and stuck it smack dab in the middle of the plot.

The next day, I looked out my bedroom window to see that the plot was penned in by tall chicken wire.

The plot quickly became completely overwhelmed with weeds.

Things I have learned

1. Drinking is fun but you HAVE TO remember to brush your teeth before you pass out

2. Guys are fucking dense

3. Argan oil = life oil

4. Sephora addiction = credit card bills

5. Veganism is the way to fucking go in terms of cellulite problems (blaming it on your thyroid is a sad fucking excuse; you're fat because you're lazy)

6. No one likes going to work

7. Make out while you still can

8. Learn some outdoor survival skills including how to pee in the woods so you can go hiking by your lonesome because you don't have a boyfriend to go with you.

9. The art of manliness is a joke except when dudes are sexy and being all masculine and stuff

10. Weird dudes are either prolific or extremely self-confident at asking girls out

11. K-pop is the new black (t.o.p. yes please)

12. Go to south america and help poor brown children and get an amazing tan (i know)

13. Get the fuck over it

14. embrace top 40 cuz you're just going to end up liking it ironically in 10 years (thank you AW)

15. Realize that you are vain and shallow, then move on

16. vicarious = word of the day

17. Mazo beach... who will come with me? Please? Just for an hour?

18. Before Mazo beach or ANY beach you need to lose like 20 lbs. Just sayin'.

19. Best friends are fucking timeless even if you haven't seen each other since 1998

20. I need to move to denver like soon

21. Play it fucking loud


Call me!

xoxo

PEM